*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free
invasive species encroach on lesbian territory
This is a common misconception because they’re such similar environments, but you should be aware that dads are native to Home Depot, while lesbians are actually native to Lowe’s. At this point, however, both dads and lesbians have made themselves at home in both Home Depot and Lowe’s to the point that trying to separate them back into their original ranges would probably do more harm than good to the delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores.
A properly raised and socialized Dad will be perfectly comfortable cohabiting with Lesbians. Its not really “encroaching on another’s territory”. You wouldn’t say that about foxes in a forest that also homes bobcats, would you? No. It’s just two different species that have both evolved to live in similar/the same environment. As long as they recognize each other as equals, Dads and Lesbians are more than capable of cohabitation.
Now, if you were to release a pack of Lumberjacks into a Lowes or Home Depot, that’s where chaos will reign. Being adapted to a far harsher and more demanding environment, the Lumberjacks would simply push Dads and Lesbians both out and also consume far more than a sustainable amount of resources. It would be like releasing bears at a country club.
As a former timber-harvester… I feel this is potentially accurate in theory. But highly improbable in actuality.
Lumberjacks, like most megafauna species generally require more space than the average hardware store, even a big box store could provide. The misconception is that Lumberjacks are a social species because of how they often work and live together.
This is a matter of necessity, not preference, and a survival technique for thriving under the LogBoss.
A “pack” of Lumberjacks, if not under the environmental pressure of a LogBoss will naturally disperse until they each have a wide territory.
Lumberjacks rarely fight for territory.
One on one, a Lumberjack could drive out a Dad or Lesbian, however the latter tend to travel in social packs.
Lumberjacks will passively retreat on the presence of large numbers of people. Kind of like Sasquatch.
Getting a “pack” of Lumberjacks assembled would be hard enough unless they were forced into a Hardware Store by a LogBoss. In that case, they would already be in a heightened and potentially agitated state far above their natural behavior. This artificial scenario can be likened to a circus animal running amok. If it had been in the wild, the incident would not have occurred.
Free-roaming Lumberjacks are the cryptids of the Hardware ecosystem. They are surprisingly quiet and unobtrusive.
Please stop labeling Lumberjacks as dangerous roving social predators. They are intermediate level omnivores and remarkably peaceful unless threatened.
As a hardware store worker I can say that this is all 100% accurate.
However, a Single Woman “doing stuff her damn self”, when released into any hardware ecosystem can get easily flustered and overwhelmed in the presence of a mixed herd of dads and lesbians and the occasional solitary lumberjack.
As she is trying to figure out what she needs to fix her running or leaking toilet, she might seek assistance from a Dad or a lesbian. However, once she’s told she needs a ballcock and a float ball to fix her toilet she becomes disoriented and confused. Since she can be easy prey for both dads and lesbians, she’s on guard and unsure of herself in such a strange environment.
She actually prefers the assistance of a lumberjack but because they are unassuming and shy, she is frequently afraid of making any sudden moves towards them so as not to scare them away or disrupt them in their habitat. However, she secretly hopes that one will take notice of her and ask for her phone number as well as help her fix her toilet.
On the other hand, there is another type of single woman in the female species. She is called the Single Woman “on the hunt” that should be considered dangerous. She is an apex predator and easily disguises herself as a damsel in distress in the delicate hardware ecosystem. This is a target rich environment for her but the dads and lesbians do not recognize her as a threat until it is too late. Once she’s claimed her target, she will shed her damsel disguise and her crazy begins to show. By that time the Dad or lesbian is caught in her trap much like a fly in a Venus flytrap.
Sometimes it is hard to distinguish the two types of single woman in this delicate environment. The free-roaming single woman must always be approached with caution by dads, lesbians, and lumberjacks until it can be determined which one she is. The Single Woman “doing stuff her damn self” will likely be wearing a messy bun or pony tail and yoga pants. She will be appreciative for the help and will offer thanks. The Single Woman “on the hunt” will be wearing high heels, full makeup, perfect hair, and cleavage showing. She will empty the wallet and leave scars on the dads, lesbians, and lumberjacks.
As a woman with a step-father who’s been successfully rereleased into the hardware store ecosystem, I’d like to add a notation.
I’ve noticed that Dads will generally operate in social packs that they will call upon outside of the ecosystem when the Dad needs aid with a project or a migration. What’s even more interesting, well socialized Dads will not only coexist peacefully with Lesbians, they will sometimes socialize. On top of that, there is what I like to call the “Paternal Instinct™”, I’ve observed that if there is a age gap between the Dad and the Lesbian, the Dad will instinctively move in and adopt the Lesbian into the Dad social group.
Also, more often than not, the Dad will go so far as adopt the Lesbian as one of its own offspring. This is where it gets interesting, if the Lesbian has her own Dad, the two Dads will not display dominance, but in fact will become jointly over-protective. This is exponentially worse if either, or heaven-forbid, both Dads are “Professional Dads™” (read: Are part of the Construction or Contractor subspecies).
The previous adoptive actions become even more likely to take place if the Dad has a Dykeling of their own in the nest (esp. if said Dykeling is of the Femme to High Femme variety, but the Dad will even do it for their Futch offspring). Going so far as to try and court the Lesbian for their Dykeling, using candid (or worse… childhood) photos on their mobile devices, to show off their Dykeling’s plumage to the prospective mate. It’s not uncommon for a Dad who’s discovered a potential mate for their Dykeling, to manufacture a fictitious project, just to physically bring their Butch Dykeling to meet the ecosystem Lesbian.
Honestly, I wish more marketing would use less real food. Mostly because it would reduce over all food waste. The vast majority of the real food you see in commercials as well as print/web ads, is thrown away. And it’s not even because of the non-food marketing tricks, it’s because the food sits out for long periods under hot lights or at room temperature, so it becomes unsafe to eat.
Infectious Desire 